I have had a day that only a mother could understand. I'm spent. I've laughed. I've cried. And I've laughed so as not to cry.
You see, my daughter does not sleep. She was not an infant who slept and ate and slept. She just ate and kept me awake. And now at 1 1/2, she still does not sleep through the night. She just doesn't know how to fall asleep on her own. We have to sing (the right song) and hold all 11 kilos of her (standing) and shake/rock her for the afternoon nap. At night, she still breastfeeds to sleep. And most days I deal with it and don't complain. I am not part of the cry it out camp. I tried one of those sleeping techniques once. And she cried until she vomited. And I cried, too. And I vowed never to do it again.
Except for today. After an hour and a half of singing, rocking, giving her Bert, Ernie, Barney, and Big Bird--entertainment worthy of a mom Oscar, I put my exhausted temper tantrum master in her crib and shut the door. And let her scream. I hoped she would tire and sleep. But she didn't. And after fifteen minutes of white-knuckle frustration, I went to her. Only when I opened the door on her, I shrieked in fear. How in the heck did she get on the floor? It seems my 1 1/2 year old escaped her prison/crib (guess it is time to get rid of it). Visibly uninjured (and with a smug look, I might add), I breathed a sigh of relief and we continued our day albeit a bit shaken.
By nightfall, I imagined she would collapse in exhaustion. And this is where I cried. Because 2 hours later, the not sleeping song and dance continued--even "boobie" failed. So I did what most mothers do: gave up and wished her father good luck. And while I folded the laundry (at 11 pm), I thought about giving her away. And when Felipe called me to come look at what G was doing. I told him I wasn't dealing with her anymore. But he insisted.
And now you have the, completely unstaged, video of my wide-eyed darling. (She put her Daddy's shoes on alone. Felipe looked up when he heard the noise of her walking.)
Laughing, I decide to keep her.
PS: In the video, she is singing feet, daddy, and pé ("peh" is foot in Portuguese)
PPS: Felipe is trying to put her to sleep now. He has quite a melodic voice.